{"id":1227,"date":"2025-08-13T14:05:55","date_gmt":"2025-08-13T14:05:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/?p=1227"},"modified":"2025-08-13T14:05:56","modified_gmt":"2025-08-13T14:05:56","slug":"confessions-of-a-prodigal-skirt-wearer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/confessions-of-a-prodigal-skirt-wearer\/","title":{"rendered":"Confessions of a Prodigal Skirt Wearer"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Diary \u2014 August 13, 2025<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If Jesus, a glass door, and the summer breeze ever team up against your skirt\u2026 just know your modesty is about to enter the group chat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Peopleeeeeee! \ud83d\ude29 Ah, the Nigerian mother will always say, \u201cDress as you want to be addressed.\u201d<\/em> But please, let us be truthful \u2014 what they actually mean is: dress as you want to be stared at, judged, catcalled, sent to jail, admired, or dragged by aunties in the market. Because even if you wear agbada in this life, somebody will still stop you and say, \u201cFine geh, where you dey go?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you know me, you know I like to dress decently \u2014 fully covered, looking like somebody\u2019s responsible daughter. But I have a human side\u2026 and that side? It loves a short skirt. In my mind, there\u2019s short, there\u2019s moderately short, there\u2019s immodestly short, and there\u2019s kuku-be-naked short \u2014 a.k.a. my-gush-I-must-look-away short.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So here\u2019s the gist. My sister once bought this short pleated skirt. She wore it, and it was so fine that I scuffled until she bought me my own. When I first wore it, I told myself it was moderately short \u2014 very safe. That was before I gained an extra 5kg. And you see, the premium Black body is a snitch: when it gains weight, it starts with the midsection, then graciously deposits the rest on the butt. No mercy. Unlike our Caucasian sisters who are built flat at the back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As usual, I spoke to Jesus about it. I tell Him everything \u2014 He\u2019s my best friend. So as we were going through my wardrobe for the week and I had carefully selected my outfit, I said, \u201cLord, please don\u2019t look at me this week. From Monday to Thursday, I\u2019m wearing all my short things. Friday, I\u2019ll be regal for Our Lady\u2019s feast day.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus said, \u201cBaby, this skirt is short.\u201d<\/em> I replied, \u201cAbeg, remove Your eyes. You see all Your other children dressing naked and You allow them. Allow me too.\u201d<\/em> Normally my schedule is: Mass \u2192 Library \u2192 Eat my sandwich \u2192 start reading. But this week, I decided: Mass \u2192 Go home \u2192 Change jeans to short skirt \u2192 Have early lunch \u2192 Then library. That extra 30 minutes? The price of fashion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Monday<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

After Mass, I swapped jeans for the pleated skirt. Jesus sighed, \u201cWhatever shege your eyes see, I didn\u2019t create it.\u201d<\/em> I told Him, \u201cLet\u2019s see if You\u2019ll even allow shege to happen.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wore it, feeling fresh and fly\u2026 until I sat on the bus and my after-butt skin touched the seat. I froze.<\/strong> What\u2019s touching me so closely? I hate when things touch my skin like that. Then my brain recalled how I was dressed. Ah! I jumped as if the seat was hot eba.<\/strong> I began to wrestle with myself. Olu, iwa werey re o!<\/em> I was annoyed with myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the bus stop at Rua Alc\u00e2ntara, I began the hill climb to the library, passed a glass door and nearly fainted. The glass didn\u2019t just reflect my body, it x-rayed me. My 5kg gain had transformed the skirt from moderately short to immodestly short. One inch more and I\u2019d be kuku-be-naked short.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then the breeze came. The skirt lifted. Thank God for the inbuilt short \u2014 plus the extra short I wore underneath. I now looked like a cheerleader with stout legs. My feelings moved from annoyance to shock and I exclaimed, \u201cJesus Christ!\u201d<\/em> as I gazed at myself. Right beside me He said, \u201cI am the Lord.\u201d<\/em> I eyed Him furiously, but He looked on, waiting for me to catch up because we had a big day ahead of us. People, I was not yet remorseful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time I was going home, there was this girl in palazzo pants who gave me the kind of up-down scan Nigerian aunties reserve for market girls buying only one tomato. I\u2019m sure she wanted to confirm if she could peek at my butt. I was almost remorseful\u2026 until I got on the tram and was surrounded by girls in my-gush-I-must-look-away short.<\/em> In that moment, I suddenly felt like Mother Teresa in her habit. My remorse? Gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuesday<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I wore that silk short set my friend bought during World Youth Day. \u201cBetter than yesterday,\u201d<\/em> I told Jesus. He replied, \u201cOlu, I\u2019m not having this discussion.\u201d<\/em> I said, \u201cFine! Your choice!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Mass, I changed again and passed the same mirror route. Ah, betrayal! The shorts were squeezing my butt in such a way that the back looked shorter than the front. From behind, it looked like the shorts had given up on their life purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As if on cue, the house owner saw me adjusting.
\u201cI do this all the time,\u201d<\/em> she said.
\u201cI\u2019ve gained weight.\u201d<\/em>
\u201cSo has every girl around the world,\u201d<\/em> she replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I laughed. \u201cI should be crying\u2026 but here I am, walking to the library like it\u2019s a runway.\u201d<\/em> She, who was equally on an eyesore short, definitely couldn\u2019t relate with my inner battle but thought surely it was fat. People, I am not fat-fat o! Just butt-fat. I told myself, I can\u2019t look like this \u2014 I am not my mother\u2019s daughter like this. There is a spectrum Florence\u2019s children must fall within. No, Olu, no!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time I sat down in the library, I admitted, \u201cLord, You were right.\u201d<\/em> He chuckled. Then I started my remorseful resolution: \u201cYou see that Monday skirt? Never again. Except laundry day in Nigeria.\u201d<\/em> He burst out laughing. \u201cWhy Nigeria?\u201d<\/em> I said, \u201cYou know, Lord, you know.\u201d<\/em> He said, \u201cFair! Laundry days in Nigeria when the faraway neighbours are too busy frying akara to notice.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then Chika called. \u201cBabes, I\u2019m at the library\u2019s caf\u00e9 \u2014 come upstairs.\u201d<\/em> When I got there, she sipped her latte like a judge on Nigerian Idol and said, \u201cAre you sure this short is decent? From here it\u2019s giving\u2026 summer in Ibiza.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I gasped. \u201cYesterday\u2019s skirt was worse. Jesus nearly disowned me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She grinned. \u201cHe probably took screenshots for the angels\u2019 group chat. Title: The Prodigal Skirt.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We laughed so hard that the guy on the next table side-eyed us like we were disturbing his PhD thesis on the mating habits of sea snails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chika leaned in. \u201cBabes, you have nice legs. Wear your short things, but balance it. Big shirt on top. Distract them from the abundance behind.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sipped my iced tea slowly. \u201cSo\u2026 choir mistress in front, carnival at the back?\u201d<\/em>
\u201cExactly. Fashion diplomacy.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my spirit, Jesus cleared His throat. \u201cI\u2019m not endorsing this conversation.\u201d<\/em>
\u201cBut You\u2019re smiling,\u201d<\/em> I replied. He chuckled again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before we left, Chika dragged me to Zara and almost made me buy two oversized shirts \u201cfor peace in the land.\u201d<\/em> We called it a truce \u2014 me, Chika, and Jesus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I promised my kuku-be-naked clothes will henceforth be reserved for laundry days in Nigeria. And as I walked home after my day of studying, I realised \u2014 it\u2019s not that short skirts are bad. It\u2019s just that sometimes, the road to modesty is paved with inbuilt shorts, a good breeze, and friends who love you enough to say, \u201cBabes\u2026 cover small.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me, I knew it, tested my limits, and I am here to say \u2014 I am the prodigal skirt wearer. Never again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So today, I switched up my wardrobe and made up for my two days of what-the-f<\/em>*-just-happened* dressing \u2014 and I was 100\/100. Honestly, the real test is not copying what everyone else is wearing just because \u201ceverybody\u2019s doing it.\u201d The real test is this: we already know our world is raving mad, but when the few sane people gather, will they count me among them\u2026 or call me mad too?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the answer is yes, don\u2019t wear that outfit. If the answer is no, step out proudly as a committee member of the few sane people. It really does pay to be fully covered and respectful, even while minding your own business and looking away from my-gush-I-must-look-away short.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus and I made peace today. Maybe He smiled and said, That\u2019s my girl. I knew self-reflection would be your best teacher. That\u2019s why I made sure no one who knows you saw you \u2014 even though you secretly wished they had, so they\u2019d form a new opinion about you (that you wouldn\u2019t even mind). I protect you, child \u2014 even from yourself. YOU ARE MINE AND I LOVE YOU SHAMELESSLY, through it all.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yours,<\/strong>
The Prodigal Skirt Wearer<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Ps: I\u2019ve been sharing diary reflections like this every other week. If you\u2019re new here, could you take a moment to read some of the previous posts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Wisest Fool \u2013 Ol\u00fa Ab\u00edk\u00f3y\u00e8<\/a>,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Weak Can You Be? \u2013 Samson Had One Damn Job \u2013 Ol\u00fa Ab\u00edk\u00f3y\u00e8<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Me, I knew it, tested my limits, and I am here to say \u2014 I am the prodigal skirt wearer. Never again. Sometimes, the road to modesty is paved with inbuilt shorts, a mischievous breeze, and friends who love you enough to say, \u201cBabes\u2026 cover small.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-diary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1227","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1227"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1227\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1228,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1227\/revisions\/1228"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}