{"id":1128,"date":"2024-12-12T14:56:00","date_gmt":"2024-12-12T14:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/?p=1128"},"modified":"2024-12-12T15:18:19","modified_gmt":"2024-12-12T15:18:19","slug":"unsolicited-anatomy-lesson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/unsolicited-anatomy-lesson\/","title":{"rendered":"A bold, unsolicited anatomy lesson"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A Bold, Unsolicited Anatomy Lesson<\/strong>
December 12, 2024<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Diary,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life always throws me the strangest experiences, but this one tops the chart. And yes, you read the title right. I could have gone with something formal, like \u201cthe male reproductive or urinary waste disposal organ,\u201d<\/em> but honestly, let\u2019s not play coy\u2014it\u2019s a penis story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, here\u2019s what happened\u2014just moments ago. I was at the Biblioteca NOVA Medical School\/Faculdade de Ci\u00eancias M\u00e9dicas, surrounded by the intense, almost radioactive energy of medical students. You know how they are\u2014absorbing anatomy diagrams like they\u2019re trying to memorise the human genome before lunchtime. The room felt stuffy, tension-filled, and buzzing with chaotic energy from these superhumans. (A professor must have been having a good time creating this atmosphere, or these students must have done something to summon Hades.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was downright uninhabitable for a mere mortal like me, whose greatest ordeal in academic history is the image of Carlill inhaling carbolic smoke balls three times a day for two months, only to still catch influenza in the famous Carlill v Carbolic Smokeball Company<\/em> case. I needed air.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided to take a walk and headed for Jardim do Torel, a picturesque spot where you can enjoy Lisbon\u2019s chill vibes and stunning views. If you\u2019ve been there, you know it\u2019s not just scenic but also full of quirky shades of life\u2014clusters of same-gender folks, minding their very European business, scattered around. Naturally, I thought, \u201cPerfect spot. Peace and quiet. What could possibly go wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, everythinGGGG.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I picked a corner that seemed both scenic and empty. The cold bit into my face, but I tightened my jacket, feeling the comforting presence of my phone in one pocket and my keys in the other. With a dramatic flourish (because why not?), I stretched my little body, raised my chin so my nose could get as cold as a dog\u2019s, closed my eyes, and tilted my face to the sky. It was bliss\u2014I had never felt so much contentment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hummed a shaky rendition of Schubert\u2019s Ave Maria,<\/em> laughing at my own vocal failures. If I\u2019d died in that moment, the angels would have greeted me with applause for passing into glory at peak serenity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But no. Just as I\u2019d reached that magical phase of \u201cnothing is going to make me move,\u201d a shadow interrupted my zen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought, \u201cOh, probably just someone passing.\u201d But the shadow lingered. Annoyance bubbled up. \u201cWho stands over someone like this?\u201d<\/em> I fumed. Still, I tried to let go of that ten-second irritation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, I opened my eyes\u2014not with a scowl, but a forced smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And BAM! There it was. A penis. A fully extended penis, staring at me like it had its own sense of entitlement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I blinked. Shut my eyes. \u201cToyo, I know your brain overreacts sometimes, but what in the name of the seventh hell is this?\u201d<\/em> I blinked again. Nope, it wasn\u2019t a mirage or a brain glitch. That thing was still there, firmly occupying my field of vision. What is this bold, unsolicited anatomy lesson?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that moment of sheer disbelief, my mind went into overdrive:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Option 1:<\/strong> Scream, but to who?
Option 2:<\/strong> Channel my inner ninja and use the keys in my pocket as a makeshift weapon\u2014somebody\u2019s got to die today, or maybe two.
Option 3:<\/strong> If God gets me out of this, I don\u2019t care if all the medical students are having a bad day; we\u2019ll all share the misery together while I join them in studying anatomy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While weighing my options, I heard muffled laughter from a corner. Two guys were snickering, and the owner of this unsolicited\u2026 presentation was mumbling something incomprehensible. My heart pounded, and I made a thousand promises to God:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGod, I swear I\u2019ll never leave the library again. I\u2019ll read medical textbooks for fun if that\u2019s what it takes. Just get me out of this. Please. I\u2019ll even skip lunch and do a novena. ANYTHING!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gripping my keys tightly, I summoned the courage to adopt the deathly Nigerian blank face\u2014Ursula from The Little Mermaid<\/em> would have been proud. I stood up, shot the man my fiercest \u201cdon\u2019t-mess-with-me\u201d<\/em> glare, and walked away. (Inside, I was trembling from the cold, fear, and the primal urge to drive my keys into his throat or dismember that offending organ.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not a word. Not a scream. Just a fast, calculated move that said, \u201cTry me, and it\u2019ll end badly for you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walked back to the library with feet so swift they could have won a marathon, typing this with an adrenaline rush that could fuel another one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I swear I WILL never venture into random quiet corners of this city again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MANY ARE MAD, AND FEW ARE ROAMING FREE.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yours sincerely,
Toyo – The Waka Dube!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When a shadow interrupted my perfect moment of bliss, I opened my eyes to something I never could have prepared for\u2014a bold, unsolicited anatomy lesson.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-diary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1128"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1130,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128\/revisions\/1130"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oluabikoye.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}