Day 8: The Non-Whisperer

“12 Days of Christmas”: Day 8/12 – The Non-Whisperer

Dear Diary,

Hold onto your socks for this wild tale!

December 20, 2023

So, there I was, basking in the glory of being the family baby, when BAM! Mum brings home a baby sister. Seriously, I was like, “Excuse me, Mum, I thought I was your forever baby!”

But hold up, this baby sister was actually pretty cool. She never cried, never bothered anyone, and had her own personal nanny. It was like having a living, breathing doll. I was in love! And then, out of the blue, Mum pulls another plot twist and decides to bring ANOTHER baby home. And this one? Oh, dear diary, this one was trouble with a capital T.

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Fast forward to the chaos. Our last-born was a pro at everything except one tiny detail: whispering. Rules in Africa for whispering are like the sacred scrolls of craziness. Rule one: get close to the ear. Two: talk super low. And three: cover your mouth with your hand so no one reads your lips. Simple, right? Nope, not for our last-born.

Just imagine how she does it: she gets up close, uses her palm to cover her mouth, and BOOM! Either a hurricane of air in your ear or a shout louder than a rock concert. It was like a comedy show, but we were the unwilling audience. The struggle was real! You literally could go from being completely safe to being in big trouble because she spoke too loudly all of a sudden to the hearing of those who shouldn’t hear.

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Now, why am I telling you all this?

Well, one fateful day, our cousins came to our house, and I was not at home and my immediate younger sister had also gone out for a school activity (being the truth-teller, they felt no one would know – perfect time for mischief).  It was a Saturday, the forbidden day for football when you have exams; and moreover, a tutor was coming over to take them lessons to prepare for the exams. But these guys couldn’t resist. So, they told the non-whisperer to keep it a secret, while they played football.

We all know the spirit that comes with football – forgetfulness. So they just didn’t break the rule by playing, they played for ages, lost the ball in the back neighbour’s yard, they had to turn to the next street behind to retrieve the ball unsupervised and in the process missed their lesson with the tutor. Disaster level: pro max.

So, all the culprits involved, my brother, two cousins and a friend had to cover up their mess. They leveraged on the non-whisperer unwavering loyalty. And that was not a problem, she loves our brother too much and was never going to tell even if the earth shook except for one thing, I must not know that she knows because all I would do is lure her just like the way the serpent did to Eve in the Bible.

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As an acquaintance dropped me off at home, my immediate younger sister returned from her school activity. We looked at ourselves and wondered why everything seemed in place. Something smelled fishy. Everything was too perfect, like a bad sitcom. I interrogated lastborn, and all she said was, ‘I will not tell you.’

My brother was sweating bullets – and I was exasperated because no one would spill. The non-whisperer kept teasing me with her ‘I won’t tell, especially you’. I wanted to smack her, but I held back because if I did, she would tell our mum and whatever wrong had been committed would all be forgotten and the focus would be on me. So, I said, ‘cry-cry, you better leave my side now’. It was driving me nuts!

But I wasn’t satisfied. So, I hatched a plan. I told her, ‘If you whisper in my ear, it doesn’t count as telling anyone because I won’t hear it. It goes straight into my ears, not to me’. Genius, right?

Well, not for my brother. He dragged her away from me, and the battle began. I practically begged her to spill the beans. She resisted like a champ, and when she finally agreed to tell, she made weird sounds in my ear – ‘SwishSwooshWhiffWhooshWhizz’. Ahan! what is ‘SwishSwooshWhiffWhooshWhizz’?  I was like, ‘Stop blowing breeze and talk!’ But I played it cool and was gentle so that my brother and the other culprits would not know I was luring her as they were busy finishing their schoolwork and tutoring themselves. All the while, my immediate younger sister decided ignorance was bliss. It was better not to know the truth. But, for me, my eyes were on the ball.

Finally, I played my trump card: I said, ‘If you don’t learn to whisper, God won’t answer any of your prayers like he did for Hannah in the Bible.’ I said this knowing we were just taught the story of Hannah in the Bible and how God answered her whispering prayers and my sister had made me or my mum read it multiple times in the space of one week.

Boom! She initially paced the room a bit – weighing if she wanted God to always listen to her or not and at the time, I had finally given up that, maybe it was better not to know. Then she came back, dragged my ears and said everything with full strength straight into my ears and brain, I almost got deaf for a minute. She was so loud and clear; you’d think it was the end times. The atmosphere felt as though the angels of God had sounded the trumpet and I, the villain had caught all the culprits red-handed. There was sooooo much joy in my heart.

How gullible was your last born? Was he/she a non-whisperer? Mine couldn’t whisper to save her life. She couldn’t do it then, and guess what? She still can’t do it now. A legit non-whisperer.

The end.

For other episodes in this 12 Days of Christmas series see:

Day 1/12: Spit-proof Grace at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/day-1-spit-proof-grace-my-desculpe-obrigada-moment/

2/12: My Mum – the unbeatable champion of all time at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/my-mum/  

3/12: Were you a truth-teller as a child at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/truth-teller/  

4/12: Can you pray? at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/day-4-can-you-pray/  

5/12: My ode to fear at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/ode-to-fear/  

6/12: Mary’s breakup line to St. Joseph at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/day-6-marys-break-up-line-to-st-joseph/

And 7/12: Tower of Babel at: https://oluabikoye.com/blog/tower-of-babel/